Darkness

“When everything comes down to love,
Than just what am I afraid of?
When I call out your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I’m yours”
-Addison Road “Hope Now”

I’ve loved this song for a while now. Its one I keep regularly in my playlists and cds in the car. It’s a song that I continue to go back to, a song I find myself regularly worshipping to, simply because I often forget what I was created for, and who I was created by. That I am created to worship the King and serve HIM for the rest of my life. This is the only thing I was created for; I will spend eternity doing those things.

Love is a scary thing. I think that we are scared to “fall in love” with someone else. I know for a fact that I am scared. The idea that someone wants to love me and know everything about me absolutely makes me want to run away. When I was in high school and walked through the things I did, I always was able to hide parts of myself. Even today, there are parts of myself that I can hide from the world. To let another human know me fully, still, on some levels, scares me.

But my God knows me fully. He realizes my deepest darknesses and still loves me like I am. He knows me and still loves me. I think I realize my deepest darknesses and don’t really know why God wants to love me. And I think that we all think that way in some respects. Why would the only one who knows my deepest darkness love me the most? Because He is LOVE. He desires to see the real you; He wants you to run to him when darkness seems to overcome everything. I know what when I run to him I find rest in the shadow of his wings. At times, I go to bed fighting with something inside of me, and rest well because I let Him fight for me. Sometimes I wake up knowing that He went to war for me while I slept. Like Pastor Pat says often, I can’t wait to watch the Holy Spirit Blockbuster to see when I went to sleep, the battles that were fought for me.

I am not alone when I fight for anything. I am not alone even when my life seems to be that I am. It’s a battle that I’ve fought a lot lately. My God loves me; I forget that he does because of the world that feeds me that lie so many times. I get convinced that I am not enough and will never be enough. That is a scary lie to believe, no matter who we are.

Darkness in life is just that: Dark. It’s hard to see the light when the darkness seems to overcome everything around us. But we have the light. Don’t forget that friends!

another quiz

* * * * * * * * * * FOODOLOGY* * * * * * * * * * * * *

What is your salad dressing of choice?
Usually Ranch.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
My Favorite? Probably Texas Road House

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Chicken

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
I love just plain cheese. I’m boring!

What do you like to put on your toast?
Peanut Butter.

Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla

* * * * * * * * * * * TECHNOLOGY * * * * * * * * * * * *

How many televisions are in your house?
None at the moment… should be one soon!

What color cell phone do you have?
Black

Do you have a laptop?
Currently typing on it!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * BIOLOGY* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Tonsils and Adenoids

What is the heaviest item you lifted?
Probably a speaker at the Basement.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yes

* * * * * * * * * * * * BULLCRAPOLOGY* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
I would, so I’d be able to say goodbye.

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Really, I wouldn’t. I’m Kristyn. Couldn’t imagine myself as something else.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
$1000 would pay a lot of bills. So yes!

* * * * * * * * * * * * DUMBOLOGY* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
Probably about 25… need a couple new pairs for summer though!

Last person you talked to?
The lady at Wal-Mart. Curious conversation!

Last person you hugged?
Linda Oliver from hope for the nation!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * FAVORITOLOGY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Season?
Summer.

Holiday?
I like Christmas in a warm state!

Day of the week?
I don’t have a standing favorite. Changes every week!

Month?
I like summer!

* * * * * * * * * * * CURRENTOLOGY** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Missing someone?
Kind of

Mood?
Chill

What are you listening to?
The typing… refreshing time of the day for me!

Watching?
Nada

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * RANDOMOLOGY* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

First place you went this morning?
The kitchen probably

What's the last movie you saw?
I’m in the process of watching A Walk to Remember!

Do you smile often?
Most of the time!

Sleeping alone tonight?
Yes

Do you always answer your phone?
Most of the time…

It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Facebook

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I like my Blue!

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I don’t add. Love me a strawberry or watermelon slush though, but only during happy hour ;-)

Do you own a digital camera?
Yes

Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yes. College, you know?

Favorite Christmas song(s)?
It’s a joke that I get made fun of for at Christmas time, but I despise Christmas music.

Can you do push ups?
Yes.

Can you do a chin up?
Haven’t tried.

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
I just feel ALIVE!

Do you have any saved texts?
Yes ;-)

Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes. Changed my life.

Do you have an accent?
People tell me I do. Southern accent with northern mannerisms. Thanks dad!

What is the last song to make you cry?
Hope Now by Addison Road

Plans tonight?
Got home a bit ago from an awesome night; have plans with a paper for tomorrow night! (Yeah being a senior!)

Plans tomorrow?
Yes. Work, B, Paper, Grocery Store, Cleaning, Getting Ready for the week to come!

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
I have hit my rock bottom. It was rough!

Have you ever been given roses?
Just one for a couple of different events.

Current hate right now?
Papers, School ;-)

Met someone who changed your life?
His name is Jesus. And her name was Mercy.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
If I could know what I know now, yes.

Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Nope

Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
Just my ears!

Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
God’s will is my life plan!

Does anyone love you?
I think so.

What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever is on my mind that day.

Ever had someone sing to you?
☺ Yes!

Do you like to cuddle?
Sometimes; have to be in the mood though.

Have you held hands with anyone today?
Nope

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Lauren and me took one together on the way to Vestavia Tonight!

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
I didn’t really.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
Mostly newish (about 2 ½ years)

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Yes, seldomly. If I want OJ I want pulpy, but I don’t want OJ a lot!

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
Let’s not go there.

Have you ever ridden an elephant?
No

Do you like to play Scrabble?
No

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
I make them lots! But I only eat them very seldomly

What were you doing at 1:00am last night?
I was in the bed!

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Awesome, I don’t have anything to do this morning!


I've got a meaningful blog in the works! Look for it tomorrow!

Questions...

Or Alternative Title.. I didn't come up with something cooler.

001. Real name → Kristyn Ramsey
002. Nickname(s) → Kristy, Kris, Ma'am, Sis, Aunt Kris
003. Status → Procrastination. Its an art.
004. Zodiac sign → Leo I think
005. Male or female → female
006. Elementary → Mountain Christian
007. Middle School → Mountain Christian
008. High School → Grace Academy
010. Hair color → Blonde
011. Long or short → Long.
012. Loud or Quiet → I'm pretty loud. :-)
013. Sweats or Jeans → Both.
014. Phone or Camera → Phone.
015. Health freak → Somewhat
016. Shorts or Pants → Shorts or a Skirt
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → I'm in love with Jesus.
018. Eat or Drink → Definitely Drink
019. Piercings → Just ears
020. Tattoos → I want one.
021. Water or Fire → Fire- You're talking to a pyro
022. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars → Love of my life

FIRSTS:
023. First fear → Acceptance. I was a pretty unscared kid.
024. First best friend → Jamie
025. First award → Skating
026. First crush → Couldn't tell you.
028. First big vacation → Dominican Republic
030. First big birthday → I haven't had a big birthday. Not really keen on them, and being the 5th kid, you don't get many.

CURRENTLY:
049. Eating → chewing some gum
050. Drinking → nada
052. I'm about to → finish getting ready to do laundry
053. Listening to→ Something Stacey is playing... its good though
054. Plans for today → Laundry and Homework. Sounds exciting right?
055. Waiting for → a phone call

YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids?→ maybe.
059. Want to get married? yes
060. What careers do you have in mind?→ Full Time Ministry

WHICH IS BETTER WITH A GUY?
068. Lips or eyes → eyes
070. Shorter or taller? → taller is usually nice
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Sponaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Arms
074. Sensitive or loud -> Sensitive
075. Hook-up or relationship → relationship
077. Trouble maker or hesitant → idk

HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes
081. Ran away from home? → Nope
082. Hold a gun/knife for self defense → No
083. Killed somebody → No
084. Heartbroken → Yes
085. Been arrested → No
087. Cried when someone died → yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself → I believe in the Christ who lives inside of me.
090. Miracles → yes
091. Love at first sight → I think you can know you're going to spend your lives together.
092. Heaven → yes
093. Santa Claus → If I didn't, I wouldn't get presents from home. :-)
094. Sex on the first date? → no way
095. Kiss on the first date → Nope

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → yeah
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → I am. I want to see where the Lord is going to talk me!
099. Do you believe in God → With every fiber of my being
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people → this is not 100 truths. it is missing some numbers.

Praying hard today... its been a hard week!
<3 Kristyn

Others Can, You Cannot

If God has called you to be really like Jesus in all your spirit, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion & humility & will put you in such demands of obedience that you will not be allowed to follow other Christians…& in many ways He will appear to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.

Other Christians & ministers who seem very religious & useful may push themselves, pull wires & work schemes to carry out their plans but you cannot do it…& if you attempt it, you will meet with such failure & rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others may brag on themselves, on their work, on their success, on their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing, & if you begin it, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you despise yourself & all your good works.

Others will be allowed to succeed in making money, or having a legacy left to them or in having luxuries, but it is likely God will keep you poor, because He wants you to have something better than gold, & that is a helpless dependence on Him, that He may have the privilege of supplying your needs day by day out of an unseen treasury.

The Lord will let others be honored & put forward & keep you hidden away in obscurity because He wants to reproduce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can be produced only in the shade.

He will let others be great, but keep you small. He will let others do a work for Him & get the credit for it, but He will make you toil & work on without knowing how much you’re doing. And then to make your work even more precious, He will let others get the credit for the work which you have done, & thus will make your reward ten times greater when Jesus comes.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch over you, with a jealous love & will rebuke you for little words & feelings or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign, & has a right to do as He pleases with His own. He will not explain to you reason in His dealings with you. He will take you at your word; & if you absolutely see yourself to be His slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love & let other people say & do many things that you cannot do or say.

Settle it forever that you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit & that He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue or chaining your hand or closing your eyes, in ways that He does not deal with others. And when you are so possessed with the living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased & delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship & management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you have found the vestibule of Heaven.

You know at times it may seem unfair that others can do things that you cannot do, but just remember that God has a purpose & plan for your life that only you can fulfill. I know in my life that the Lord won’t allow me to say or even do some things that other Christians can say or do, but that’s not because the Lord is unfair, but I realized that my plan & purpose that the Lord has for me won’t allow it. But everything comes back to trust. Do you trust God with your life? Do you trust His timing? Just remember…others may; you cannot…


From a friend...