Darkness

“When everything comes down to love,
Than just what am I afraid of?
When I call out your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I’m yours”
-Addison Road “Hope Now”

I’ve loved this song for a while now. Its one I keep regularly in my playlists and cds in the car. It’s a song that I continue to go back to, a song I find myself regularly worshipping to, simply because I often forget what I was created for, and who I was created by. That I am created to worship the King and serve HIM for the rest of my life. This is the only thing I was created for; I will spend eternity doing those things.

Love is a scary thing. I think that we are scared to “fall in love” with someone else. I know for a fact that I am scared. The idea that someone wants to love me and know everything about me absolutely makes me want to run away. When I was in high school and walked through the things I did, I always was able to hide parts of myself. Even today, there are parts of myself that I can hide from the world. To let another human know me fully, still, on some levels, scares me.

But my God knows me fully. He realizes my deepest darknesses and still loves me like I am. He knows me and still loves me. I think I realize my deepest darknesses and don’t really know why God wants to love me. And I think that we all think that way in some respects. Why would the only one who knows my deepest darkness love me the most? Because He is LOVE. He desires to see the real you; He wants you to run to him when darkness seems to overcome everything. I know what when I run to him I find rest in the shadow of his wings. At times, I go to bed fighting with something inside of me, and rest well because I let Him fight for me. Sometimes I wake up knowing that He went to war for me while I slept. Like Pastor Pat says often, I can’t wait to watch the Holy Spirit Blockbuster to see when I went to sleep, the battles that were fought for me.

I am not alone when I fight for anything. I am not alone even when my life seems to be that I am. It’s a battle that I’ve fought a lot lately. My God loves me; I forget that he does because of the world that feeds me that lie so many times. I get convinced that I am not enough and will never be enough. That is a scary lie to believe, no matter who we are.

Darkness in life is just that: Dark. It’s hard to see the light when the darkness seems to overcome everything around us. But we have the light. Don’t forget that friends!