A. L. O. N. E.

Today was one of the days that the reality of being alone really hit me right in the heart. The reality of the fact that my family is 1000 miles away. The reality that I really don’t have anyone to lean on.
I am always okay. The world doesn’t know anything different. In fact, so many people don’t. So few people are let into the world when I am not okay. I can fake that smile so easily. I wonder if some people know. And I realize the power of a kind word. The power of a single gesture means more than people know.
I went out to dinner tonight by myself. Leaving to ski in Maggie Valley has been on my mind all day. I’m excited, and nervous at the same time. Everyone was out with their boyfriend tonight, and I decided to go out to eat, because I know I wouldn’t get a “free” meal this weekend. I decided on Golden Corral in some ways to remind me of home. We used to go eat here all the time when I lived in Maryland. I thought that I would be alright; I didn’t figure that coming to a place like this would remind me so much of my life that I left in Maryland. But as I was paying, the guy ringing me up figured I was with the people behind me, a father and a son. He overcharged me, and I told him so, and he went about fixing it. It wasn’t until I realized that it could of easily been mom, dad and me, like it was when I got home from Africa.
Walking getting food made me realize something: I really am alone. My friends are awesome; don’t get me wrong. But you can’t replace family. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t be lost without them. People here don’t realize the value of family; only when you are away you can. Only when you really are alone do you realize how big the world really is, and how much people don’t really care.
One thing that I am going to do whenever I’m out alone is look for others that are alone. It could be just a meal, or making someone’s day one time. The lady next to me realized my pain through the tears in my eyes, and brought me a stuffed dog and wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day. You have no idea how much it meant; I’m sure she doesn’t either. But when you’re facing the world alone, you realize the power of one kind word. Of one gesture, of one moment. She gave me hope to realize that there really are good people still out there. She gave me the courage to pay it forward. To love someone else who is like me and “alone”.
Jesus is there. I know that no doubt in my mind. I know that he’s sitting across the table with me. At times, its so hard to be sitting at the table alone, with every other chair tucked in under the table. I know that He’s there in spirit; it is just hard to imagine him in the skin. It so hard when you are facing the world with you and whatever you have with you. Its hard to realize that so often this computer is the only other thing around. That the words on the page are a vent of sorts. That the only thing that really listens is this document.
I’ve tried to convince myself that Valentine’s day is simply a commercial holiday. But what I can’t honestly convince myself is that it isn’t a holiday. The holidays are the worst. Those days are the hardest. My parents have been married 27 years today. I called to tell them congrats, and my mom said this: “Just wanted to let you know even though you aren’t here we still love you and we miss you.” The reality of those words hit me. They really do, I know that. I just want sometimes to be there. I want to be able to teleport. It would be so nice to be able to be back home for just a meal, and back, but such isn’t possible.
I’m good now that I’ve had a night of rest. I know that I am loved. Jesus is restoring

A. L. O. N. E.

Today was one of the days that the reality of being alone really hit me right in the heart. The reality of the fact that my family is 1000 miles away. The reality that I really don’t have anyone to lean on.
I am always okay. The world doesn’t know anything different. In fact, so many people don’t. So few people are let into the world when I am not okay. I can fake that smile so easily. I wonder if some people know. And I realize the power of a kind word. The power of a single gesture means more than people know.
I went out to dinner tonight by myself. Leaving to ski in Maggie Valley has been on my mind all day. I’m excited, and nervous at the same time. Everyone was out with their boyfriend tonight, and I decided to go out to eat, because I know I wouldn’t get a “free” meal this weekend. I decided on Golden Corral in some ways to remind me of home. We used to go eat here all the time when I lived in Maryland. I thought that I would be alright; I didn’t figure that coming to a place like this would remind me so much of my life that I left in Maryland. But as I was paying, the guy ringing me up figured I was with the people behind me, a father and a son. He overcharged me, and I told him so, and he went about fixing it. It wasn’t until I realized that it could of easily been mom, dad and me, like it was when I got home from Africa.
Walking getting food made me realize something: I really am alone. My friends are awesome; don’t get me wrong. But you can’t replace family. You can’t tell me that you wouldn’t be lost without them. People here don’t realize the value of family; only when you are away you can. Only when you really are alone do you realize how big the world really is, and how much people don’t really care.
One thing that I am going to do whenever I’m out alone is look for others that are alone. It could be just a meal, or making someone’s day one time. The lady next to me realized my pain through the tears in my eyes, and brought me a stuffed dog and wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day. You have no idea how much it meant; I’m sure she doesn’t either. But when you’re facing the world alone, you realize the power of one kind word. Of one gesture, of one moment. She gave me hope to realize that there really are good people still out there. She gave me the courage to pay it forward. To love someone else who is like me and “alone”.
Jesus is there. I know that no doubt in my mind. I know that he’s sitting across the table with me. At times, its so hard to be sitting at the table alone, with every other chair tucked in under the table. I know that He’s there in spirit; it is just hard to imagine him in the skin. It so hard when you are facing the world with you and whatever you have with you. Its hard to realize that so often this computer is the only other thing around. That the words on the page are a vent of sorts. That the only thing that really listens is this document.
I’ve tried to convince myself that Valentine’s day is simply a commercial holiday. But what I can’t honestly convince myself is that it isn’t a holiday. The holidays are the worst. Those days are the hardest. My parents have been married 27 years today. I called to tell them congrats, and my mom said this: “Just wanted to let you know even though you aren’t here we still love you and we miss you.” The reality of those words hit me. They really do, I know that. I just want sometimes to be there. I want to be able to teleport. It would be so nice to be able to be back home for just a meal, and back, but such isn’t possible.
I’m good now that I’ve had a night of rest. I know that I am loved. Jesus is restoring