Thoughts.

This idea could change my whole world: if I want to change my world, I am somehow going to have to risk myself and me being rejected. Somehow, I have to let people into the parts of me scare me to share, in order that they can see the real me, and to let them see the change that happens inside of me as Christ continues to transform my life.
I’ve always been the kind of person that will not do something if I won’t succeed. I am absolutely terrified of failure. More so than I let on to people around me, I am scared to fail. I’m scared to not do everything to the best of my ability. I’m a fairly competitive person. Or actually, I’m very competitive. If you spend any amount of time, you realize that I am competitive. I’m learning to not be so competitive, but it’s a tough thing for me to learn. Deep down, I like to be the best. It doesn’t matter what it is, but I want to be the best. Somehow, I think that I can be the best, and I want to be able to do that.
I’ve had to learn to put everyone else above me. I’ve had to learn to serve. Often, that means that I can’t be the best. That means that someone has to be better than me. In the last few years, that is how I’ve learned to not be the best and let someone else. I think I’ve grown with this.
But, I haven’t learned how to do something knowing that I am going to fail to the best of my ability. I am learning how to fail gracefully. I am learning what grace is, because often, it is God’s grace that does the work that I don’t finish. Its God’s grace that covers my failure and that can seem like a scary thing.
I am a work in progress. And honestly, this probably does not make a whole lot of sense. But I’m okay with that. God’s not finished with me yet. And I hope you can see me as a work in progress. I know that somehow, deep down, we are all a work in progress. God isn’t finished with us yet.